Road To Selflessness

       My Road To Selflessness
Growing up as a kid I used to wonder why my bro (Seyi) had such a selfless spirit, I wasn't stingy, don't get me wrong, it just seemed like he was too much of sacrificial person(always going out of his way to help others). The other one is not has open handed But here's his uniqueness, he gives outright, he doesn't lend (Seyi lends and will stay on me till I pay back, most of which I don't pay back. Egbon ema binu lol). Growing up I start to find myself becoming more and more selfless.
      It went on like that till the day I answered a question and said "putting a smile on people's face" what was d question? You may ask, well the question was "what gives you joy and happiness" Twas at this point I began understanding what it felt like to be selfless n It was at that point I knew I was moving on the same track as my bro but on a slower pace with a different kind of walking step (like he was running and I was "denge pose" walking). Now I won't classify myself as the nicest person on earth But then I don't want to be the nicest person on earth, I'm just me and that's all I wanna be. People say keep your circle small, well a selfless man's circle can't be small, I've been hurt a 💯 times over by friends and I've learnt different lessons 💯 times over But the fact that you can forgive someone at the time wen even they believe they don't deserve it makes you more gracious and it also makes that person realize that they have hurt an anomaly person. "Every scar left by a person is there to remind yhu of a lesson" I believe life is a school and we're meant to learn and move on, mistakes happen but do make sure that you don't repeat the same mistake twice, now this hasn't always worked out well for me because I'm just a kid that is soooo imperfect, so if you're like me here's how I'd put it: don't make the same mistakes the same way twice, if the mistake is gonna happen again then it should come from a different pattern that you have tried.... Atleast you tried a different pattern(I stand to be corrected though but that's just my point of view).
 Another thing that has worked out for me so far is this, I try to always ask about a step that I'm about to take from someone who's in line with it or someone who has taken that step before (this helps a lot)
  Let's get back on track, overtime I have had reasons to go stone cold and not care about anybody anymore or what anybody feels but everytime I help someone out (even if it's the least possible way that I can) there's this content feeling I get and I see reasons to do more,if you like say thank you a million times or just 1 time I'm not fazed because I did it out of the goodness of my heart, now I have come to understand in life that people might not do the same for me so I've made up my mind to not expect anything from anybody. Let's make a little illustration here, a friend invited you to his/her grad party, yhu went and showed that friend love, took pictures and all of that and when it was ur turn to have that friend come over for your graduation party he/she didn't show up after promising, how would you feel?,disappointed right? lol the truth of the matter is you are allowed to feel sad a lil bit but not disappointed, until you've understood the fact that anybody can fail you (except God) only then will yhu stop getting disappointed. In my life I have told God and myself that I won't make promises I won't fulfill, those that know me know I don't make promises, I'll tell you outright "I'm not promising but I'll see what I can do". If you can, always be ready for the worst.
  At this point I'd like to reemphasize that I'm not an author or a poet or even a writer sef, this is just a piece of my mind written in words.
Now I also believe that everyone is worth celebrating, some few weeks ago a friend on whatsapp asked me "is it everybody that you must celebrate or wish hbd on Facebook??".... The truth is its not everybody I do that to, let's take the birthday thingy for an example; it comes only once in 365 days of a person's life and it's a very special day for that person, I feel that I'm supposed(even tho I'm not obligated) to wish that person well and make  them feel loved,write something nice about the person,put a smile on that dope guy or that cute girl's face. If you don't celebrate people when they are alive is it when they are dead that you will? I couldn't post a pic of ojb and say R.I.P cuz I felt bad that while this man was alive I never for once celebrated him, I felt like I wasn't even fit to have his pic on any of my social network sites. You'll say no "I can't wish him or her hbd,we don't talk" but you guys are friends on Facebook? It's only on Facebook that I see people who walk past themselves in the street, add each other up (I have some on my list). Now what if that person that you said you can't celebrate dies tomorrow, is your pride really that big?? Life is quite simple it's the people in it that make it complicated.
Just as respect is reciprocal that's how love is, if you show so much love you can only but receive it back. That's how it has worked for me.

                  Big Things Small Things
I as a person ain't moved by the so called "big things" people do especially the ones done just for show off (trust me I can tell when it's for show off) but rather it's the little little things that the normal average human will over look that catches my attention, those little selfless acts that we don't count, well yeah they go a long way with not just me but lots of people.
Some people, when funds are being raised in churches will proudly walk out and give to show that they are well off but can't do nothing about that brother that puts on dat same 3 shirts of clothes to church every month or that sister that is going through tough times at home with her parents about coming to church (how would they even know when there's segregation in the congregation) or  that young youth struggling to deal with peer pressure.
  I chose to take my examples from the church cuz that's where I believe the utmost love is supposed to be shown but mehn it's not so anymore. I've come to understand that and I now care less about what people do to me but care more about what I do to people, I'm not a "spirikoko" person, I don't preach but I believe the best way to pass a message is through your acts and deeds, it's not about how much yhu give but it's about how much love you put into giving", you cannot just come here and tell me this and that and all sorts of things and I don't see you doing them, olohun mi o ni gbo (to God I won't listen), likewise if you don't correct me in love I still won't listen,call me stubborn I won't dispute that, I'm growing,I'll still make mistakes Buh I pray that they will be as little as possible.
 Don't give to show off cuz ya rich or something but rather give to touch lives, one of the richest man in the history of Nigeria said something "I don't count my wealth based on the money I have but rather I count them based on the people I've put smile on their faces - M.K.O Abiola". Now we may have difference of opinions,you may not like somethings I've said but remember it's just the way I see things and as you well know I'm just a kid, I'm not aiming shots at anyone God sees my heart.  If you want to feed homeless people then feed them but the moment yhu start putting it on social media yhu are feeding u ego.
 What I'm trying to say in all is take note of the needs of people that surround you and do what you can and if they come to yhu for help do what yhu call also,Buh try not to let your left hand know what your right hand has done, simply put don't be a kiss and tell person.
Recently I saw a picture of a starved looking kid, this kid had 2 lollipops(which is all he had) but still offered one to the camera man, the man captiOned something like "dat was all had in the world but still offered to share" I swear that touched me to my marrow, now that's selflessness.
                 Friends And Frenemies
This actually a broad part of me but I'll make it as short as possible, I have quite a large number of friends as some of you already know, each of them having their special place in my life and each having thought me at least one vital thing (some haven't thought me a single thing Buh I believe they will). Some have made me smile, some have made me laugh,some have hurt me, stabbed me in the back (many times) and so on, all of them I have forgiven, a large portion of which we still talk while the remaining few portion have either let guilt or pride restrict them from talking to me, some I have decided against furthering my friendship with as I have discovered it wasn't meant to be.
 What does this have to do with your road to selflessness yhu might be wondering, well I wanna tell you how being a people's person has further helped me become selfless. I like to mingle so much that I don't walk alone (I'm not a Liverpool fan) but rather I walk in squads, on some occasions I'm the least outspoken person in the group while on others I'm the most outspoken person, either ways what I make sure is that I learn from each of them, different as they may be they all have their uniqueness. Some have thought me to jovial, some to be loving, some to be nice, some to be free giving, some to be humble, some motivate me (chai ah wantu mention someone's name here Buh ah won't,by reading this she already knows herself lol), some of them trouble me but teach me to be a gentleman (nawti ayam talking abou yhu oh!😏 lol), as much as they are their uniqueness differs just as the prints on every man's thumb and I try to learn regardless the age difference (I am a small boy). I don't downplay or look down on anybody.
  I adopted a policy few years back and it has been what has helped me maintain a good level of friendship with people, and the policy is quite simple " treat people the way yhu want them to treat yhu". Is that it?" Yes that's it, yhu wanna be loved? Show people love, yhu wanna be respected show people respect... That's how relationship works (or rather that's how mine has been working like I said earlier).
- I believe strongly that the hand of a giver is always up, no matter how things get bad you'd never lack
 - I believe that he that helps people will also get help in his time of need from places expected and unexpected (as in the case of Tabitha in the bible).
- I believe Jesus Christ when he said that the greatest of all the commandments was love.
And I believe that showing love is the greatest selfless act, If you die today what would people remember you as? Can your life still make influence 10 years after death? Or will you be forgotten after 10months only to be remembered on your yearly Remembrance Day? if you ask me why you should be selfless, I just stated 3 reasons up there.
My name is Areo Moses Temidayo  Thanks for taking the time out to read a piece of my mind.

Contact the writer via e-mail at areomoses@hotmail.com

Grace

Walking into the dimly lit bar, Grace was lost in thought. She had a lot running through her  mind - so much that avoiding prying eyes was the least of her worries. She just didn't care who saw her. Everything that seemed to cheer her up before did not even come close today. Sandra, one of her colleagues at work tried to bring her out of her reverie but she kept going back. Last week, it looked like it was going to be easy to pretend to be okay, but today it doesn't. Caroline had jokingly said, this afternoon, that two or three bottles of very strong beer would help her face challenges. Unknown to Caro, as she is fondly called by Grace, something in Grace had taken that advice, which made her end up parking her Toyota Solaris right in front of the bar on her way from work.

Grace, a beautiful plus-sized lady, with an alluring physique; tempting to men, intimidating to other women. Her intricately carved frame would usually send men drooling, so much that on one occasion,  a woman had to pinch her husband back to reality to get his gaze off her.
"Ahh, what have I done?!!" The man yelled in pain, trying to feign innocence.
With grited teeth and all the annoyance she could muster, "stop looking at her, have you forgotten I'm right here?" the woman blurted, simultaneously sizing Grace up with a defensive 'You're-encroaching-into-my-territory' look.

Even so, Grace's most appealing trait has to be her unassuming demeanour, as she only smiled and hastened off, simply not regarding herself as a threat to any woman.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Now at the bar, responding as the bartender routinely asks for her order.
"Three bottles of any strong drink." She said, Faking a smile.
"Hold on a few seconds ma"
"Okay, no problems."
John disappeared into the backroom to get her order

Just then, she felt someone walk up behind her.
"I wouldn't want to do that if I were you" the voice advised
"Do what?' she questioned, turning around
"Three bottles of any strong drink", he replied, smiling. "Hello. I'm Paul"

"Okay, Mr Paul I'd appreciate it, if you just let me be, please." raising her palm with an air of finality.
"Fine, if that would make you happy. Just trying to make friends ma'am". he replied in polite surrender.

Just then, John returned with her drinks, calling out to his colleague "Jona! Jona! Come help customer oh. Wetin you dey do there? You know say if Oga dey around you no go dey do all this rubbish wey you dey follow me do! Wait now. Make Oga come. You go hear wehn." He threatened.

Turning to Grace, 'Sorry ma for the slight delay. My colleague will help you get a table of your choice."
"No problem", she calmly replied.

"Oh oh. Wetin dey do this Johnny self. He go just dey put sand sand for person garri. Tchai! And that Bros don dey commot oh. Bad market." Jonah cursed under his breath,  biting his finger. John's threats at him had made him miss a tip from a customer who just left. He had a habit of taking turns round customers' tables, hoping to feed off the magnanimity of the generous ones.

'Oya, help madam carry the drink', John said to Jonah as he saw him approach.
'Wetin sef? Your wahala don dey too much these days. How far now, guy?', Jonah wailed as he reluctantly carried the tray of drinks.
Grace pointed out the spot she wanted. It was in the corner of the bar, where she could barely be noticed.
Immediately Jonah got to the table, he dropped the drink and dashed off, allowing Grace's "thank you" to float into thin air. She had barely sat down when Edward Joshua's call came in.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Grace and Joshua had met some months back through one of Grace's childhood friend, Mike. On the fateful day of their meeting, the two young men had a scheduled appointment later on in the day, and Joshua had planned to pass time at Mike's place before they both go out, unknown to him that Mike had promised to visit Grace before later catching up with him at the venue of the appointment. They both had to adjust their plans, and agreed it wasn't going to be a bad idea to go together to Grace's place. Cancelling his trip to Grace's was not an option for Mike since her mum - who was also more like his mum -  was already aware of and anticipating his impending visit. He could not just disappoint her.

She had taken care of him like a son since he lost his mum as a teenager and although he didn't live with them, he equally enjoyed the same privileges as her children. His father was never at home and this made Grace's house a home to him. Grace and her siblings, the twins, Favour and Love, who were of the same age group with him took him in as a brother, and Grace, who was the only girl was regarded as the little 'mama' of the house. She would make sure to clean up after the boys might have scattered the house and she always saw to their well being. She was now all grown up, in her early twenties; very comfortable, working and earning a sizeable income, though she was not in a relationship yet. Not that she was bothered, anyway. She would always reply her questioners with a ready-made "He's on the way". Mike would occasionally tease her about giving one of her admirers a chance before she ends up as a rich old spinster. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord." She would defensively reply.

Though all jokes, he could see that she was not ready to settle for anything less than God's plan for her life. It made him curious to know who 'God's plan' for her would eventually turn out to be. Little did he know, that there was an unforeseen love story waiting to unfold between her and Edward Joshua, who had been his friend since their university days. Back then, Joshua was every lady's dream man and it was obvious to those close to him. He too wasn't oblivious of the special attention he received from the female gender, but he was just more focused on his relationship with God, so much that he saw every lady as his 'friend'- nothing more. Mike respected him a lot more for that, and he was one of the Christians that he looked up to.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Grace was so happy to see Mike, that she was unconscious of Joshua's presence. Mike noticed and called her attention to him, introducing them to each other. "I'm so o o o sorry" she said, the excitement still apparent in her tone.

"This is Edward Joshua, a very good friend."
Turning to Joshua; "and this is Grace, my naughty little sister", completing his mischief by returning his gaze to Grace who duly nudged him
"I'm not naughty and I'm not even little anymore"
The two strangers then exchanged pleasantries.

Grace's mum was not at home and so they decided to gist about the 'many waters that had passed under the bridge'. They argued, agreed, disagreed, talked about happenings in the country and of course, Joshua teased grace about her ending up as an old maid if she didn't say yes to her suitors.

All the while, Joshua had been observing Grace since they got there, saying next to nothing until his opinion was asked. Mike had never mentioned to him his sister was that breath-taking. All he ever told him was how her family took him in when his biological mother died and how they had been his family ever since. He wondered why Mike kept such an important information from him.

"And oh! The way she laughs. Her voice is music to the ear", Joshua thought. "What's the matter with me?" He tried to bring himself back to consciousness, slightly struggling with the impressions he was having.
"She's Mike's sister for heaven's sake. And when did I even start having this kind of thoughts about a lady? Lord have mercy. I know I asked for Your will but my friend's sister? They look more like a couple than siblings. I'm sorry dear God. But how can Mike's sister be Your will?" He pondered. "My will", he could hear a still small voice say.

Although mostly reserved, Joshua's quietness caught Mike's attention. It felt unusual this time around and Mike suspected there was something else to it, though he didn't think it had anything to do with Grace. He thought Joshua was feeling out of place, and so  decided that it was time they left for their appointment. Grace would have loved to have her brother home for the weekend but he had to go. And then it hit her like a rock hitting the ground, that She they had left Joshua out of their conversation. She felt she had not made a good first impression and apologised for making him feel left out, promising that she'd make it up to him when next he came. Mike knew Grace didn't mean what she said but only said it to make Joshua feel a little at ease before he left. He was even sure Joshua wouldn't want to come with him a 'next time' but he ended up being wrong because weeks later, when Joshua showed up at his door as he was about leaving for Grace's, he gladly acceded to his invitation to go with him.

Fortunately for Mike, who wanted Grace to keep her promise of making it up to Joshua, Mum was home this time around. He left Joshua and Grace while he went in to catch up with mum.

Joshua and Grace talked about a lot of things, chatting like they had known each other for long, but still, time seemed insufficient. Before the day was over, they had already exchanged numbers, and that was how and where it all began. Mike who didn't see this coming was dumbstruck, but also happy at the turn of events, and could only hope that Joshua was Grace's 'God's will' after all.

As time passed, Joshua and Grace became really close. Grace started to tell him things she wouldn't tell anyone, not even her brothers. Although she was a Christian, she marvelled at how serious Joshua took his Christian walk. He had liked her since the first day he met her, but gradually, he started to love her, because love to him was a gradual thing. Grace loved him as well but she didn't even imagine he would ask her hand in marriage until he did, six months after they officially started dating. She had said "no" the first time. He was confused, doubting if he had heard from God clearly. He returned to seek God's face for the next two months, and  God's straight answer to him was still,
"My will".

Two months later, he asked her again, He got the same resounding 'no'. Time and over again, he asked her why and she would always respond; "You're too good for me Josh". He grew frustrated, tired and angry.

"I don't know why she's so stubborn. And I don't know why you keep sending me back to her. I love her, yes, I do love her. But I can't go on like this. Are you sure she's actually your will for me?" He blurted out, looking upward to the sky. At that point, he got no answer.
He decided he wouldn't even call her anymore, but throughout that day, and the days that followed, he was not at peace, he couldn't stop thinking about her. He knew she loves him but he didn't know what was making her think he was too good for her. He had not prayed for a long time. He had tried calling her to no avail. She refused to pick his calls or return them. He was worried something was wrong with her. He then knelt down to pray;
"Dear God, I know that You're not an author of confusion. I know Your thoughts for me are good, to give me a future and a hope. I know Your thoughts for Grace are the same. Lord please help her to handle whatever issues she has with herself and come to terms with it, putting them in Your hands and believing that You will guide her through the right path. Lord, please don't let her do something stupid and if she has, Lord Jesus, save her from herself. In Jesus name."

He didn't hear God speak, but what he felt after he said that prayer, was as good as  hearing from God. He felt a kind of peace within him and he felt better than he had been in weeks. Just then, his phone rang. The name he saw on the screen of the phone made him surprised. It was Grace. He muttered a quick "Thank you" to God and picked the call. Instead of Grace's voice, he heard a man's voice in the other end and he was afraid something bad had happened to Grace.
"Hello", the voice had started," I don't know why, but I feel you're the right person to call. She's just been mentioning your name. What have you done to her? It's best you come and get her before something really bad happens to her. I don't have much time to stay here, so hurry".  Even if Joshua wanted to say anything to the strange voice calling him with Grace's phone, all he could say was, "Where is she?" "Thank you sir", "I'm on my way".

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Paul knew something was wrong with Grace. He had been watching her since she sat in one corner of the room. He decided to stay close by her. He didn't even know why he entered the bar, but he was led to go in. He ordered a bottle of Malt to seem busy while he watched her from the other side of the bar. He observed that the first sip Grace took from the strong beer, betrayed her as a first timer. It didn't take long before she became drunk. He noticed a man walked up to her and started to manhandle her. Something told him the man was trouble so he walked up to Grace's table in the corner of the room.
"I'll advice you leave her alone right now", he said to the man on getting there.
"Yes? And what will you do if I don't?"
"I wouldn't want to know if I were you." Paul replied, meaning every word.
The man could see from his eyes that he meant it and hurriedly left Grace alone, mumbling incoherently as he left.

Just then he heard Grace saying to herself; "We can't be together Josh. You're too good for me Josh. I'm sorry. I love you. But you deserve someone better." And then he knew Josh was not just anyone. He searched for her phone in her bag, looked for the name "Josh" and dialed, asking him to hurry there.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

It took Joshua a while to get to the bar, but little time in locating Grace once he entered. He rushed to her, with tears in his eyes.
"Oh my love! Why did you do this to yourself." Just then he looked up and that was when he noticed the stranger.
"My name is Paul, and you must be Josh. We need to take her out of here as soon as possible."
Joshua couldn't say anything. He just nodded.
"I noticed she has a car key in her bag, I suppose you know her car." Paul said to Joshua.
"Yes, I do." he replied

Paul made sure Joshua drove out of the parking lot before he left. He had collected Joshua's number so that he could call and ask after Grace's well being the next day.

In no time, Joshua had parked Grace's car inside his compound. It was the dead of the night and there was no traffic so it was much easier to get home. With the help of his gateman, he carried her into the house. He couldn't sleep. All he could do was sit, looking at his beloved.
"Oh my beloved", he said "why did you torment me so? You said you love me." He sat on the couch waiting for morning to come. He began to pray, asking for forgiveness on her behalf. He was angry with her but he wouldn't let anger overcome his love for her. He had to know why she felt he was good for someone else, but not her.

Gradually opening her eyes, she tried adjusting her eyes to the surrounding. She couldn't remember anything but that she was at a bar yesterday and she was thinking of Joshua. She didn't remember what had happened afterwards. Her head ached, her vision was blurry, she was confused and afraid because she didn't know where she was.
"Are you okay?"
On hearing his voice, she froze. Her heart thudded in her chest. The headache exacerbated. Of all people it had to be him and of all the places she could be, it had to be his house.
She tried opening her mouth to say something but the tears welling up silenced her. He moved closer to her and gave her two tablets of aspirin and a glass of water. She took the drug and he made her lie back a little.
"Relax." He said. "I'm glad you're okay"
She was feeling a little better now and she could see his face clearly.
"How did I get here?" She asked him.
"I got a call from Paul, through your phone."

Then she remembered him. He had offered her friendship just as she walked into the bar but she had told him to leave her alone and he did. She then began to wonder why those she shut out of her life are the same people who end up saving her from her folly. Paul had saved her, one way or the other, not minding the fact that she had asked him to leave her alone. Joshua had come running to get her when she needed help. God had saved her from destroying herself even when she asked Him to stay out of her life.
"Why do you torment me with him?" She had asked God the day she broke off with Joshua. "You know I don't deserve him. Why don't you just give him someone he deserves? Just leave me alone and find someone else for him. Josh deserves the best." she had grumbled.

"When are you going to realise that I love you Grace?" Joshua was now asking her. "Why didn't you pick my calls or return them?"
"You deserve someone better Josh." She replied.
"That's what you keep telling me all the time." trying to control his anger.
"What gives you the impression that I don't deserve you?" Hoping to get a better answer this time around.
"I've told you everything about me but I didn't tell you some things Josh. I've been defiled. I was sexually violated by a neighbour when I was a child. I want to be whole for you Josh. I want you to have me complete but I can't." She lamented.

"Who says you're not whole? And who told you I'm a saint, myself? I have toyed with sin in my heart on more occasions than I can count. What makes me different from those who commit it? Nothing Grace!"
"Moreover is it your fault that you were violated? Is it?"
He knelt down beside her; "We have all been saved by grace. The moment we acknowledge our sins, we become new beings in Christ Jesus. Our past does not matter anymore. The devil can only attempt to haunt us with it. It is our choice to allow or disallow him."
"Marry me Grace. And please don't say no this time, or I'll die."

Her face was already coloured with tears.
"You've not even heard everything Josh. Are you sure you still want to marry me?"
"I've never been too sure my beloved Grace'"

She then nodded, teary-eyed "Yes I'll Marry you Edward Joshua. Yes I will!".

Grace and Joshua got married three months later.

THE END!